Soaring Above Bullying
What to do when your student tells you they are being bullied.
Document Incidents: If your child is experiencing bullying or harassment, help them document what happened (who, what, when, where, any witnesses).
Communicate with the School: Reach out to teachers, counselors, or school administrators if you believe your child is being bullied or harassed, or if they are engaging in such behavior.
- School Counselor: Mrs. Zuelke (Kzuelke@waterford.k12.wi.us)
- Associate Principal: Mr. Singer (singer@waterford.k12.wi.us)
- Principal: Mr. Scanlan (scanlan@waterford.k12.wi.us)
Model Respectful Behavior: Children learn by example. Demonstrate respectful communication and conflict resolution in your own interactions.
Please do not use social media to discuss your children's personal bullying experience before alerting the school.
What Fox River Does when a bullying incident is reported.
When a bullying incident is reported, it is brought to Associate Principal, Mr. Singer and/or Principal Mr. Scanlan.
- Once an incident is brought to the administration, an investigation starts. This includes interviews with those involved, a review of the incident at hand, and discussing the situation with other staff as needed.
- PLEASE NOTE: We understand it can be frustrating when you don't hear about the outcome of a bullying report. You might even feel like the school isn't taking the issue seriously or doing anything about it. However, due to student privacy laws, we are unable to share information about specific disciplinary actions taken against other students. Please know that we respect the privacy of all students and families, and we assure you that all reports are investigated thoroughly and addressed appropriately, even if we cannot disclose the details.
We know concerns can sometimes come up outside of school time or off campus. In those cases, we encourage families to reach out directly to the other child’s trusted adult when possible. If the situation involves safety or serious concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact local law enforcement or refer to Speak Up, Speak Out.
Understanding the difference
Joking Around
Definition: Joking around is typically a lighthearted, playful exchange intended to be humorous and enjoyed by everyone involved. It's often a way for friends to connect, share laughter, and strengthen their bond.
What it entails for middle schoolers:
- Mutual Enjoyment: Both the person making the joke and the person it's directed at find it funny and feel comfortable.
- Positive Intent: The intention is to create a positive, shared experience, not to cause discomfort or embarrassment.
- Respectful Boundaries: Jokes typically don't target a person's insecurities, appearance, background, or anything that would genuinely upset them.
- Stops When Asked: If someone expresses discomfort or asks the joking to stop, it immediately ceases.
- Context Matters: The humor is appropriate for the setting and the relationship between the individuals.
Example: Two friends playfully making fun of a shared, embarrassing moment they both found funny, or a group of friends sharing lighthearted banter about a popular TV show.
Teasing
Definition: Teasing involves making fun of someone or playfully provoking them. While some teasing can be innocent and even strengthen friendships, it has a higher potential to be hurtful than "joking around."
What it entails for middle schoolers:
- Can Be Playful or Hurtful: Teasing exists on a spectrum. "Good" teasing is lighthearted and strengthens bonds. "Bad" teasing is intended to put someone down or makes them feel bad.
- Often About Differences: Teasing can sometimes focus on a person's characteristics (e.g., a new haircut, a silly mistake) and can quickly become unkind if not handled with care.
- One-Sided Fun: If only the person doing the teasing finds it funny, or if the person being teased is genuinely upset, it's no longer playful.
- Power Imbalance: Even in teasing, there can be a subtle power dynamic. If one person consistently teases another who is less able to defend themselves, it can be problematic.
- Doesn't Always Stop: Unlike polite joking, teasing may continue even if the person being teased shows signs of discomfort or asks for it to stop.
Example: A classmate making fun of another's brand of shoes, or giving someone an annoying nickname that they don't like.
Bullying
Definition: Bullying is intentional physical, verbal, or social aggression. It’s often repeated over time and occurs when there’s a real perceived power imbalance.
What it entails for middle schoolers:
- Intentional Harm: The bully intends to cause harm, distress, or fear.
- Repetition: Bullying is not a one-time incident. It happens over and over again.
- Power Imbalance: The bully has more power (physical strength, social status, etc.) than the person being bullied, making it hard for the victim to stop the behavior.
- Unprovoked: The negative acts are not intentionally provoked by the victim.
- Forms of Bullying:
- Physical Bullying: Hitting, kicking, pushing, tripping, stealing or damaging possessions.
- Verbal Bullying: Name-calling, insults, threats, spreading rumors, hurtful teasing, put-downs.
- Social/Emotional Bullying: Excluding someone on purpose, spreading rumors, manipulating friendships, humiliating someone publicly.
- Cyberbullying: Using electronic communication (texts, social media, emails) to send mean messages, spread rumors, or share embarrassing photos/videos.
Example: A group of kids constantly making fun of a quieter student's clothes and excluding them from social activities, or a student repeatedly sending threatening messages to another online.
Harassment
Definition: Harassment is aggression against someone based on a real or perceived characteristic they have, like their race, religion, sex, or gender. It’s serious enough to create an unsafe environment and is a form of discrimination
What it entails for middle schoolers:
- Unwelcome Behavior: The behavior is unwanted and makes the target feel uncomfortable, intimidated, or distressed.
- Creates a Hostile Environment: The behavior is severe or pervasive enough to interfere with a student's education or well-being.
- Can Be One Incident: A single, severe incident can constitute harassment.
- Often Based on Identity: Harassment is frequently tied to a person's race, color, national origin, sex (including gender identity and sexual orientation), or disability.
- Can Come from Anyone: Harassment can come from students, staff, or other adults.
- Can Include Bullying: Bullying can be a form of harassment if it meets the criteria of being unwelcome and creating a hostile environment, especially if it's based on a protected characteristic.
Examples:
- Repeatedly making racist jokes or comments to a student of a different ethnicity.
- Spreading sexually suggestive rumors or making unwanted sexual comments about a classmate.
- Making fun of a student's disability or using slurs related to their sexual orientation.
Why does Bullying Hit Its Peak in Middle School?
About Bullying
Bullying hits its peak in middle school because of the developmental stages students are going through at this time. The three stages of this age group are:
- Establishing a personal identity.
- Developing independence
- Expanding personal relationships
Because students are trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in, they are more influenced by their peers during this time. They don't want to stick out and be different. They are more likely to "go along" even if someone is doing something they don't believe in.
We've all had experience with bullies both in our childhood and in our grown-up lives. There are many reasons kids bully. Some of the researched reasons are:
- Bullying is about power - people want to feel powerful
- Many kids are entertained when they can get another student upset. In other words, they enjoy the power of being able to push another person's buttons. Sadly, it is fun for them.
- Kids learn to bully because they've been bullied
- Family problems (death, divorce, low-self-esteem...)
- Kids bully others so they won't be the target of bullies
Here's what we are doing at Fox River Middle School to combat bullying:
- All staff are trained in Second Step and all students receive weekly lessons.
- Adult supervision during independent time at lunch, recess, and passing times.
- Students partake in the Courage Retreat, which aims to help students use courage to do the right thing and make responsible decisions despite their fears.
How do you bully-proof your child?
- Role-play bullying situations with your child. Help them to try not to show anger or fear. Students who bully like to see that they can upset you.
- Say nothing (even smiling confuses the bully) and walk away.
- Encourage your child to talk to you about the situation. Telling is not tattling. If the bullying occurs at school encourage your child to tell a teacher, Mr. Singer, Mr. Scanlan, or Mrs. Zuelke.
- Getting the person in trouble that bullied your child does not work very often, as people have a way of retaliating when adults are not watching.
To check out other information regarding bully-proofing your child: